Sherwin-Williams Dyes Cuyahoga River Orange for Halloween

“Raise a glass to this effervescent, peachy hue.”

Sherwin-Williams is celebrating spooky season with a controversial new stunt, dyeing the Cuyahoga River with their “Bellini Fizz” line of orange paints.

The Cleveland-based paint giant announced the initiative Friday morning, describing it as an innovative way to celebrate the holiday while honoring the city’s longstanding tradition of environmental disasters.

A Sherwin spokesperson said the company’s goal was to get Clevelanders in the spirit for Halloween and “scare them with a new environmental catastrophe from everyone’s favorite local paint company.”

When the P-team approached a local kayaker for comment, the kayaker appeared confused by the news. “It doesn’t really look any different. Are you sure they dyed it?” the kayaker asked, dipping his paddle into the water. “I thought it was always that color.”

Sherwin confirmed Friday that it had released 7.9 billion gallons of paint into the river, costing the company about $40 billion at about $5 per gallon. Shareholders have reported a complete stock crash, leading the company into a potential foreclosure case following the stunt. Company executives defended the spending as a necessary investment in brand awareness. “We’re committed to covering the Earth,” the spokesperson added. “We’ve always been very clear about that.”

Leave a Reply