A First Energy spokesperson released the following statement:

“Dear Cleveland. We know the temporary delays in service have been frustrating, especially during the heatwave. The addition of a few dozen batteries from Walgreens is a massive upgrade to our power output.

Please remain patient as we work to restore service. We are only a 30 billion dollar company that is living life for the first time, just like you. If you are a politician interested in getting the power back on, please email: bribes@firstenergycorp.com

With a few more hundred-million dollar bailouts from taxpayers, we can buy even more batteries to get your air conditioner running.”