In a new approach to waterfront planning, the City of Cleveland announced this week that it is exploring the possibility of physically detaching Burke Lakefront Airport from the rest of the shoreline, citing years of unresolved debate and a collective shrug. 

“Frankly, we’ve tried everything,” said one city official. “Master plans, vision plans, and at least four different ‘once-in-a-generation’ opportunities. At some point, you have to say, ‘What if it simply…floated away?”

According to preliminary concepts, the plan would involve severing Burke from the mainland and allowing it to drift gently into Lake Erie, where it can continue operating independently as a peninsula of missed potential. “It’s actually very elegant,” said an engineer familiar with the proposal. “Once it’s floating, it’s no longer a public access or political issue. It becomes a lake problem, and lakes are chill.”

City planners, who were being informed of the plan as it was announced, emphasized that the move would dramatically simplify lakefront planning efforts, which the airport’s presence has historically stalled. “Every time we talk about reconnecting downtown to the waterfront, someone brings up Burke. This allows us to finally move forward with renderings of parks, trails, beaches, dog walkers, and people smiling while riding bikes,” said another official. 

When asked what would happen to the airport’s operations, officials were confident it could adapt. “Burke has survived for decades on minimal flights and maximum space. We trust it will thrive as a floating aviation island; maybe it will find its way to Cedar Point or Canada. We’re open to any and all partnerships,” said a spokesman closest to the project. Residents have long asked, “When is it closing?” “Is it staying?” “Will it become a park?” and now officials respond, “The answer is simple: it is going on its own journey.”

During the press conference, city officials concluded, “This is about accountability, and once Burke is no longer attached to the City of Cleveland, it is officially not our problem anymore.”